Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
