So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
