Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
