Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
my liver is dry heaving
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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