I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize