6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize