Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
