she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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