My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
