She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
