im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
