Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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