he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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