I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Randomize
