I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
