oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
