I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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