When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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