i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
