woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
