So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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