I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
