I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I have fence marks all over my body
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm always down for nudity.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
