I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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