You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
My nipple is on Facebook.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
