Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
