champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
