i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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