SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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