He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Randomize
