Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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