Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
