Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
