Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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