Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm at about main and main street
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
