9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
