I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
