It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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