when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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