I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
