i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
