Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
