Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Randomize
