K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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