well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
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