Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
