so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
