thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
