I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
