I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
