The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
