bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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