i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
