We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
