we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
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