we have officially lost it.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
