I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
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