respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
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