It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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