My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You pole danced in your parka.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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