worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
