Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
