I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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