she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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