Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i came on her dog
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
