I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
