he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
