I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
