maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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