im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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